A Strong Sense of Déjà vu (2/32)

Or is it Insanity?

This morning I woke up early with my next blog post at the forefront of my mind. I went down stairs and made some expresso before sitting down to write. After finishing 2shots and still not being able to focus I made my way up stairs to my desk to get some real work done. However, I found myself settled in on the couch next to my desk instead. After what seemed like seconds I realized I had been lost inside myself for over an hour. The whole time just sitting in the corner of the couch cross-crosslegged with my macbook closed in my lap. Only to become aware of my daydream when I focused in on my camera.

Sitting on a table a few feet away from me, mere centimeters from the tables edge with the strap dangling off. I studied the angle that the camera was sitting at. It was tilted up so that only the left-front corner and a small portion of the lens were actually touching the table. It wasn’t magic though, being chronically lazy as I am I had left the tripod attachment screwed into the bottom of the DSLR when I last used it; making it appear to be nearly hovering.

As I sat there motionless no longer dreaming just staring at my Nikon   I realized this is not the first time this moment pasted. I recalled this exact moment passing sometime in the last few months. I cannot pinpoint the day or even week, but I know for a fact that I had sat in that same corner and studied the tilt of my Nikon 5300 before. I recalled thinking about how odd it looked tilted at that angle or rather how unsafe it looked. Which is exactly where my mind went today.

Déjà  vu is defined by having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has already been experienced in the past, but in reality has not actually happened before. Therefore, I can not blame this moment on Déjà  vu as I am sure I have actually experienced this before. Which makes me almost more concerned because it means I am so habitual that I am literally reliving the same moments down to the tilt of my camera. I cannot be certain if the thoughts in my head matched up as perfectly but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

With Déjà  vu an unlikley source of my repeating moments I shrugged and thought I must be “crazy”, it wasn’t far off, I had heard it enough times before. As well as the commenly stated definition for insanity “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. However, I looked up the definition of insanity and it turns out that phrase we have been told our entire lives has no factual backing.

This is the real definition of insanity:

Insanity. n. mental illness of such a severe nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct her/his affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior.

Which I think safe to say unless I am in the midst of a creative process does not pertain to me at all. Which means I am back at the being starring at my camera and thinking how is it that I am this habitual. Not that it is a surprise my biggest focus over the past year has been creating good habits and breaking bad ones. This is just another reminder of how deep habits lie.

Therefore, I think tomorrow I am going to get my expresso at my local coffee shop. In hopes that with a change of scenery I can create a more productive habit. 🙂

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