Why is it my friends and I seem to call each other more often about the downfalls of our days than for the positive points. It is not for lack of accomplishments or happy moments. As my friends buy their first homes, graduate from school and meet the men of their dreams we have plenty of excitement to share yet every call seems to either start or end with that one annoying moment.
I am not going to try and lie and say I’ve never been one to gossip or complain before because I have. Sadly, bitching has been a main jam of mine as far back as I can remember. However, I would like to believe that these habits have decreased significantly since entering my twenties. Even general complaints decreasing substantially over this past year as I begun to grow and focus on the positives in my life. Yet, gossiping is a nasty habit that seems to be ingrained deep down in me and I am afraid I slipped recently. Letting this old friend out to play again.
IT SPREADS TO OTHER PEOPLE
These habits are like wildfire once you start it will continue to spread. The scariest part being that wildfire does not just explode out of your uncontrolled mouth it can grab ahold of other people and the more people that get involved the more it’s going to spread.
IT WASTES TIME
I have become more aware of this lately as their is a new person in my life that has been the cause of many frustrating moments. For awhile I didn’t say anything. Me and this circle of friends never really had a need to bitch or complain about each other, creating a pretty positive environment. But things kept going wrong regarding this one person and people started to talk. I do not remember the first time I bitched about this girl. All I know is once I started I could’t stop. I would literally have word vomit following every interaction I had with her. It was to the point where I felt like I was obsessing over this girl. Honestly, I am disgusted by how much time we wasted talking about someone who doesn’t matter to us. She’s not doing anything interesting, inspiring or worthy of conversation in general. Yet here I am writing a post about her.
IT BREEDS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
I totally understand mentioning someone if said person upset you or did something wrong. The problem comes when every conversation seems to circle back to this same person or bitching in general. Because once we started complaining about this person we started complaining about everything else too. Our sisterhood held together by positivity and support became this circle of negativity and obsession.
IT TAKES YOU AWAY FROM THE THINGS THAT MATTER
When I started writing this post a couple weeks ago it was because I recognized how gross I was becoming. I asked myself to stop letting this person bother me and to stop bringing her up in conversation. Since then I may of slipped once or twice but for the most part I have put my focus on the things that matter; the friends I care about and the projects on my plate. I still have to work at being a more positive person, but I can already see a difference in my attitude and that of my friends.
REFUSING TO BE NEGATIVE: ACTION STEPS TO AVOID BACKTRACKING
- Do not hold on to negative moments.
- Feel and let go. If I bring something up that happened a week ago I need to let it go already.
- Let people know when they are bothering me or doing something wrong.
- Holding things in breads negative thoughts and tense situations.
- Do not gossip. No good can ever come of this ever.
- If other people want to gossip I reframe from putting in my two sense which tends stop the fire from spreading.
- When facing a set back or something that is emotionally depleting I allow myself to feel the sadness that comes with that. Then within a reasonable amount of time I remind myself that everything that happens leads to something else and if I didn’t face said negative I wouldn’t have what I have now.