Since my last blog post was posted in mid February and it is now April I find it only fitting to talk about procrastination. This is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Most of the time I am completely aware of it and feel its weight as I put off the things that seem either overwhelming, challenging or just time consuming. Other times I am not so aware. Sometimes I have so many things to do and it feels like I have been very productive but turns out all I accomplished was busy work because I put off all the real important stuff till the end then didn’t get that far. Over the years I have discovered that I am a master procrastinator. There are some tasks I avoid with such force and frequencey that I would choose to stare silently at a wall over working on them. Yet in most cases I am much more creative and persuasive, always convincing myself I’ll work on a task after I do this one nessary prelimiary step.
For example I’ll write a blog post right after coffee and breakfast because duh I need these things to function. Once its time to write I tell myself. “But, really I should shower first since I’m still a bit drowsy.” Now I’ve showered so I need a nice fresh cup of coffee to sit down with at my computer. I grab my second cup of coffee sit down and start to write, just about three hours after waking up. Still I’m struggling the coffee just isn’t the same as a lovely pike roast from Starbucks because with a touch of coconut milk its just perfect and if only I had a cup of that the words would flow right out of me. So up I jump, I spend sometime getting dressed before going to find someone to accompany me on my journey off task. Since I am bringing along a partner in crime it is only fitting we take our time and it is a couple hours later before I am back sitting down in front of the dreaded blank page. This time as I sit all I can think is, “damn I wish I didn’t drink all my coffee before I sat down here. Maybe I should get a snack and some tea because its just so much easier to write with something nice to drink and snack on”. Thirty minutes later I am back in front of the computer totally consumed by my sandwich, totally incapable of focusing. Until finally I finish my sandwich and start putting words down. For a few solid minutes I tare into the page completely focused. Until suddenly I am at a loss for words and again I am holding down delete until I see nothing. I feel depleted I have been working on this one post since I woke up and it is now late into the afternoon. Exhausted by all the hours spent focused on one task I take one final break and forget about the post all together.